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Fifty Shades of Grey (Fifty Shades #1) by E.L. James
528 pages
Published April 3rd 2012 (first published May 26th 2011)
Buy at Amazon

When literature student Anastasia Steele goes to interview young entrepreneur Christian Grey, she encounters a man who is beautiful, brilliant, and intimidating. The unworldly, innocent Ana is startled to realize she wants this man and, despite his enigmatic reserve, finds she is desperate to get close to him. Unable to resist Ana’s quiet beauty, wit, and independent spirit, Grey admits he wants her, too—but on his own terms.

Shocked yet thrilled by Grey’s singular erotic tastes, Ana hesitates. For all the trappings of success—his multinational businesses, his vast wealth, his loving family—Grey is a man tormented by demons and consumed by the need to control. When the couple embarks on a daring, passionately physical affair, Ana discovers Christian Grey’s secrets and explores her own dark desires.


It is under the cut since it is a sensitive review.

I’d first like to say that if you are seriously interested in the BDSM community to check out fetlife — BEWARE NSFW or for those under 18! You have been warned! The site has really great info and I’d rather those who read Fifty Shades and think they’re interested to go that site rather than meet some random person on the internet and get in over their heads.

Whew, now that that is out of the way…

I got sucked into the hype. Because not only do I like to read erotica (which I unfortunately don’t get to read a lot of), but it supposedly had kinky sex a la BDSM. Kinky sex! Erotic! …Huh. When I started reading Fifty Shades, I was excited to read how sub/dom was going to be portrayed, but as I read I got the itching feeling I had read it somewhere before, or at least, I had tried to read it before. Turns out Fifty Shades was once Twilight Fanfiction. No wonder! “Master of the Universe” was the name back then and I’m pretty sure I read at least of few chapters of it. I hate to say it, but once being Twilight FF, it shows.

Once I figured out it was once published as fanfiction, I knew why the characters reminded me of the very popular Twilight series. Ana was Bella, and Christian was Edward. names might have been changed, certain things different, but it was Twilight all the way. Some might argue against it, but my personal thoughts is that Fifty Shades is a Twilight rip-off. From the characters reactions, their attitudes, the way they speak, even how characters that are supposed to be strangers behave, it’s easy to guess (and know) who was who before the name changes.

Does that make it any less of a guilty pleasure? No.

Bella…excuse me, Anastasia (who also dislikes being called by her full name and would rather be called Ana), is rather wishy-washy. She is constantly called a strong woman, beautiful woman by Christian and I just don’t see strong or independent in any of her character. Ana can’t make up her mind whether to become a sub, if she wants to be with Christian, if she wants to eat, I mean really, she’s quite annoying. If you liked being spanked then you like being spanked, seriously, it’s not that hard to come to that conclusion. Ana made me want to pull out my hair and in the process with her ever changing mood I think I got whiplash. I can not stand that she went back and forth so often. Her verbal battles with Christian were pretty funny, however. Having them exchange emails was priceless and some of the best parts in Fifty Shades. Her inner goddess however, I wished multiple times she would shut up. No point in having me elaborate on that.

As for Christian, he’s got the cold and aloof thing down pat and he’s got Ana blood singing, but other than having a niche for pain and punishment he’s a creeper. If I were Ana, I would have been worried about him tracking my phone, finding out where I was and showing up or knowing where I lived before I had even told him- which of course he does. Honestly, why is it sexy for someone to stalk you? To know your every move? It’s beyond creepy, chugging into being downright scary.
Don’t even get me started with the portraying of his liking BDSM. As if it was something bad, nasty, and Ana thinking he was “fifty shades of fucked up” because he did like pain and pleasure. I just…couldn’t with that. I get it, he had a rough start, I get it, I said I get it Ana! Ana more than knows what being with him entails. Hell, she was given a contract to look over, he even showed her his playroom, and she still complained or called him names in her narrative. What I don’t get, especially with that ending scene, why she didn’t say the safe word. You wanted to prove to him you can do it then you freaked the crap out. You were just practicing the use of safe words! Why don’t YOU sort YOUR shit out Ana? *throws hands in the air* I’m tired of you all! I call a group therapy session and include the Emmett wannabe- I can has key to playroom too? I want you on your knees!

Oops, excuse me, let me get back on track.

As for the sex, there’s a good bit of it. Some spanking, tampon pulling (which was really gross and disturbing and not sexy at all), tie bondage, erection rubbing, inner goddess roaring scenes that sometimes made you say, “Yum.” and other times made you say, “Okay, looking the other way now.” The BDSM theme is actually minimal/moderate. It’s there, there are some scenes, but nothing like I expected. Definitely nothing like I expected. Most of the sex was okay, nothing spectacular or great, it was actually a little awkward because every time they would ‘gasp’ and Christian would yell, “OH ANA.” Seriously, what is up with all the gasping? They gasped when something was surprising, they gasped when touched, they gasped just to gasp.
There were two times that I actually enjoyed the sex, once with spanking and the other in the playroom. Other than that, I don’t really get why the sex in this book is so popular.

Story wise. Meh. Too controlling, too much like Twilight. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a read that quickly spawned into a guilty pleasure, but it reads too much like Twilight. It follows a pattern that’s too much like Twilight. I won’t lie, multiple times I had to look up a word because I had no idea what in the hell it meant. Why big words when the rest of the vocabulary is rather small/normal/simple? I know I’ll read the rest of the series, but I can honestly say I wouldn’t miss this book if I had never read it.

Should you read it? That’s up to you.

Maybe I should turn my Twilight fanfiction into an ‘original novel,’ yeah?